Let's just call them people

I'm going to try to make this short...

You guys, what if we stopped using the word "refugees" and started saying "people".  I mean, that is what they are.  People. Humans.  Beautiful, unique, souls made in the image of God just looking for a safe place.

And yes, it is scary.
And yes, there may be risks.
But also, yes...they are PEOPLE.

And yes, our veterans need better care.
And yes , there are so many homeless here already in America that need safe places.
But also, yes...they are PEOPLE.

I guess I'm just sort of overwhelmed with the hatred that I see all over my newsfeed...from both sides.

One meme said, "If you have ten grapes, and you knew that two of those grapes were poison, would you eat any of the grapes"

Another meme said, "If you think fertilized eggs are people, but refugee kids aren't, you need to stop pretending your concerns are religious"

First of all, grapes aren't people you asshole! Second of all, I knew it was mere seconds before we waved that pro-choice flag.

Why do we need to pit one group against another to prove worth? That Syrian refugee is a life.  That homeless vet is a life.  That unborn baby is a life (it is. seriously.)  Stop acting like one life has more value than the other. Every life is fearfully and wonderfully made and so, so precious.

I'm not saying I have the answers.  But I sure am surprised at how many of people do.  What I do know is that it isn't a cut and dry issue and that it is so much more complicated than a yes/no or right/wrong answer.

In a world where children are scared to lay their head down at night because of the nightmares about lost family members, I'm kicking the covers off because I'm just a little too warm.

I don't understand.  And I don't know what to do.  So I will just pray.  I will pray that God helps me to love harder, freely, and without fear.  I will pray for courage and protection for those souls fleeing their homes.  I will pray for wisdom and guidance for our president to make the right decisions for our country. And I will pray for you too.  Just cuz.

I guess I'll stay awhile

I have known that I wanted to move to Chicago for several years.  Even when I was just a wee, young one growing up in a tiny town in South Dakota I knew Chicago was going to be the place for me. The culture, museums, every sport one could want, and most of all...THEATRE are just a few things that attracted me to this city.  Not to mention the parallel personalities between myself and this city; we both like a fast paced lifestyle, lots of everyday options, and both of us have an edge with a subtle sweetness and laid back approach to life that can only be found in the midwest (amiright?). However, I didn't expect to end up here until much later in life.  Ya know the drill; travel the world, live out of my car, experience all life has to offer, and THEN move to Chicago when I'm ready to, like, settle down or something.  But after receiving my MFA in acting and having absolutely no life plan except that I MUST CREATE ART (which is more of a life motto than a plan) my bestie said "How about we move to Chicago" to which I responded, "Sure, why not?"  And here I am.

I moved here in September of 2012 and had my first audition on October 9th that year.  I remember it vividly but only because it was a complete disaster (see this post for details).  I then submitted for every audition posted on every Chicago website and sent out my headshot and resume to Lord only knows how many companies and agencies. And I got back a big whopping... zip, zilch, nadda. But that is to be expected.  I knew this business would be tough but I also know that I am tougher. So a slow start didn't discourage me.  It may have frustrated and enraged me at times, possibly caused a few tears. But discourage me?  Nope.

I kept working.  And by working I mean auditioning.  I finally landed a pretty good role with a new start up company.  After that show closed, it was back to pounding the pavement. But a few new challenges came my way in the spring of 2013.  I was cast in a show and also got a gig with a popular band in the city.
Both were an exciting opportunity, both paid, and I wanted to do both real, real bad!  But I couldn't. I had to choose.  So I went with my gut which said "join the band", because when else would I get that chance. Alas, that gig was short lived and as fun as singing amazing music with some really great guys was, that experience was over shortly after it started.  So there I was, a year in the city and I was back to square one.  Audition! 

But this time around was different.  This time I knew a good number of companies in the city and they knew me. I got a lot of responses and tons of callbacks.  Instead of no response from a company, I would get emails that said, "Great to see you again Whitney"  or rejections that were filled with compliments and encouraging words about finding me a place in their next show even though I wasn't quite right for their current project.  These simple things may seem small, but in my world it's huge and is just the type of push I need to keep going.  To make a long story short, in the past year and a half I have been in two plays, directed a play, took part in work-shopping three original works, and had fun being a rock star for a summer.  When I look at my time here through accomplishments instead of failures, I realize that I am right where I'm supposed to be.  Hey, look at me...I'm creating art!  

So I guess I'll stay awhile.

Catching up on my Therapy while Standing on my Soap Box

I know. I know.  You don't hear from either of us for over two months and then I basically have a bunch of pent up word vomit that manifests in the five paragraphs below (and three small tangents).  But bear with me, people might actually get something out of this one.  

Last night, Diana and I had the extreme pleasure of watching Timeline's "The How and the Why".  (Tangent one: If you are one of the few people that read this blog AND live in the Chicago area, go see this show.  It is an intelligent script with two strong female leads and the actors bring the story to life beautifully).  Afterwards, Diana and I and a few of her friends went and grabbed a drink with one of the actors (whose performance was nothing short of brilliant).  While we were at the restaurant, we talked briefly about the play and even more briefly about what everyone was up to in the theatre world.  The topics varied but were mostly about girl stuff and every day life things. From the new pizza place on the corner, to husbands and lovers, to how we all are more than sick of the cold weather; we all just chatted for a while and I have to say that it was nice.  Afterwards, Diana said something along the lines of, "I'm so glad you came, I knew we would talk about the play a little, but mostly I knew it would just be a fun night."  And she was right. It was fun.   And I'm learning that "fun" is necessary.  Not every meeting can nor should be a business transaction or a stepping stone.  Though I admit that I had to restrain myself from "interviewing" the actor we were with.  While people are ordering food and talking about the nutritional value of lettuce, I am burning with questions about the staging and her process and what it was like to work with a younger actress and what is the most challenging part of playing that role and does she journal and how collaborative was the process and numerous questions about the director.  I could go on and on.  But I didn't.  I didn't ask one question. Because that wasn't the point of the night.  Sure, this actor was gracious enough that she would have answered anything I asked, but she just got done working.  She doesn't need my intense interrogation immediately after a performance. 

Intense.  That's the word I would use to describe myself when it comes to this art form.  Addicted.  That's an even better word.  I am constantly (not an exaggeration) thinking and living and dreaming actory stuff.  I've always been a person that sits back and observes before jumping into social situations.  But more now than ever, I observe and analyze myself and everyone around me.  ALL. THE. TIME.  I have been told numerous times by professors and friends that an actor that only acts is boring.  One needs hobbies and life experiences...other things to talk about.  Well I'm working on that.  Most of you probably think this sounds exhausting, but really I don't know anything else.  All or nothing I tell ya!  I'm addicted.  

Which is an incredibly lame (and sort of twisted) segway into my next topic: Phillip Seymour Hoffman.

  

I'm not to going to pretend that the news didn't knock the wind out of me this past weekend.  Diana sent me a text with one line, "Did you you hear about Phillip Seymour Hoffman" and without any doubts I knew he had died and my gut told me it was drugs.  It was similar to the feeling when news of Heath Ledger and Cory Monteith hit me.   (Tangent two: Nothing compares to my shock of Whitney Houston.  That one was TOUGH!  I took it so personally.  Dathan even called that day to check in and make sure I was alright because he knew how much I loved her.  What a brother!) Although I didn't know any of these people outside of my TV screen, I still feel a strange connection with them.  There is passion, talent, and determination all mixed together with an extreme need for success that could make anyone a little crazy.  I can relate a bit. 

There has been so much on the news, blogs, and TV about him.  My newsfeed is still blowing up with opinions and articles.  But what I find most interesting is that the topic of most of these discussions is blame.  Who can we blame?!  Some think him; his addiction his fault.  Others claim society because we live in a world where drug addiction, or any other addiction for that matter, is taboo and frowned upon;  society judges those people and so it's society's fault for not creating a more accepting world where people can seek the right help.  Others blame the drug dealers.  I watched The View for about 2.5 seconds this morning while they debated whether the drug dealers should be charged for murder.  And I get it...it makes sense.  We blame people to cope, to help us understand, to get some closure.  We need to find the source of the problem so that we can have hope that there will be a solution.  I get that.  But I am still exhausted by it.  

I didn't know this man, and although there are plenty of sources that claim to know his past, how could anyone ever truly know what he was going through.  But the point is we shouldn't need to.  Compassion and love should know no bounds.  My heart aches for the people that struggle with addictions, for people that help them feed that addiction, and for the world that we live in that is so obsessed with blame that we forget to stop and just pray for the tragic lives that have been lost.  

So here is my last little tangent: Blame less.  Pray more.  Judge less.  Pray more.  Think, live, and dream actory stuff less.  Seek God more.  

(That last one is mainly a reminder for me, but you get the picture:) )

I'm an actor, a singer, a director, a writer...

I can't decide.  What am I?  There are so many things that I find interest and passion in.  I have been told on multiple occasions that I have to pick something.  I can love all types of art, but need to focus on one.  That's probably true and it's probably time. 

In acting, we are told that we can only have one objective at a time.  We fight for one thing at a time.  In a specific moment, we want one thing.  We might want it so that we can get to the bigger and better things, but we only have one objective. 

The simplest way to explain this is using a fight scene.  Right now I (the character) want to escape from the danger (my super-objective).  But there are all these obstacles; zombies, an army of droids, a fire breathing dragon, dementors...the list could go on and on, but let's keep it simple.  It might seem impossible, but I just have to defeat each thing, one at a time.  First I would probably have to use myself as bait for the dragon, and just when he was about to blow fire at me, jump out of the way, but be close enough to the zombies so that he just sets them all on fire.  Zombies: check. And then I might as well keep running past the droids, pull out my light saber and try to take down as many as I can, while the dragon (accidentally) stomps on all of them and crushes them.  Droids: check.  Then since I have my light saber out, I might as well let the dragon swallow me whole, and then slay him from the inside out because we all know that's the only way to really make sure that a dragon dies.  Dragon: check.  Then I would be so happy about getting this far and full of happy thoughts that I could produce my patronus, which of course is a beluga whale, and take out all the dementors.  Dementors: check.  See?  I could only do one thing at a time.  It's not possible for me to stab the dragon while taking out the droids.  I only have one light saber!!!!!

And I (back to being Whitney) only have one life.  I need to decide what I'm going to do with it.  The whole reason I'm writing this is because I lost focus these past few months.  I forgot what I ultimately want and made some poor decisions.  When I moved to this city, I made a list of professional goals for myself.  But when I had the opportunity to sing with a Chicago band, I forgot about those goals and agreed to a few months of Chicago fame.  Needless to say, that didn't pan out well for me.  Not only did I turn down a well paying role with a theatre company and miss three auditions because of this "opportunity" but I didn't even get to perform with the band for a full month before the singer that I was replacing decided to come back.  I give you permission to dope slap me.

I could dwell on the "what if's" and "if only's" of the whole situation, but basically it was a good lesson.  Why on earth did I turn my back on acting for even a second?   This industry, this art, this career is all or nothing, and for being an all or nothing person (to a fault) I have been fairly wishy-washy about being an actor.  But that stops now.

It doesn't mean that I can't have other passions and hobbies.  It doesn't mean that I put my life on hold until I'm successful.  It just means that I have one focus.  One thing to fight for.  One objective...and that is to act.  On stage, in auditions, scene studies and classes...there are lots of opportunities.  I just have to fight for them.  And from now on, I'm all in.

P.S. I'm not as violent as this post suggests. 
P.P.S I'm also not as nerdy as this post suggests, so any corrections on how zombies or other non-existent creatures die aren't welcome.  I'm just proving a point here people.

Movie Review

Last night Diana redboxed Looper.  She had to be at church by 8:00 this morning, and I have a 10 hour work day, so why not start a movie at 10:30???  We liked it so much, that she said I should blog about it.  So here is my review.

But before that rambling starts, can we all just take a moment and admire this cutie patootie????

Joseph Gordon-Levitt

He is on my list of possible future husbands.  I mean, not only did I have a little crush on him way back when he was the sweet foster kid that saw angels in the outfield....


But then he stole my teenage heart when he was a nerd/loser in one of the best movies ever made....


And his career as a MAN has only made me fall deeper and deeper.  Seriously, he is going to be Robin, and I don't know what can be better than what we are seeing below. 

Oh right...sorry, the movie.  Anyway, it was way better than expected.  I don't really remember a whole lot of previews for it and I don't recall hardly any publicity.  But I did know going into it that it was about time travel, and that young guy in the present is suppose to kill his future self...and they fight.  Action man himself, Bruce Willis, is awesome.  Does this guy age?!?! I'm pretty sure he just becomes more and more of a BA!  And he doesn't disappoint in this movie.  Sometimes, in these action films, it's difficult to believe that one man with one gun can take on twenty armed men.  But I believe Bruce can do it.  And did you know Emily Blunt is in this movie?  I didn't, or I forgot maybe.  But when I saw her, D and I were both like, "YES!"  Love her always.

So yeah, all the actors get an A+ from me.  But what I really liked about this movie was that the time traveling didn't trip up the story.  You know how when you watch movies about traveling to and from the future, it get's all crazy and things stop making sense?  Well this movie didn't have that problem, because the actors basically told us, the audience, to not worry about it.  Jeff Daniels has a line addressed to Mr. Adorable himself that basically says,"We could sit here and talk about it  for hours, but just trust me."  Then later Ole' Brucie tells Joseph that time traveling gets confusing and we could try to figure it out but that takes too long and we need diagrams and such.  So, the audience knows just to let it go and enjoy.  And that's what we did. 

This film also had quite a few twists and turns and unexpected laughable moments.  But that's not surprising when you have two charming men like Joseph and Bruce.  But my favorite moments were when Joseph Gordon-Levitt had the exact facial expressions as Bruce Willis.  Diana actually had a moment were she yelled, "Oh my gosh, that was the Bruce Willis smolder!"   Well done Joseph. 

All that to say, you should rent Looper.  Good times.



So...this whole "adult" thing...

I suppose that I have been an adult for a while now, but in all honesty, I still don't feel like an adult.  Technically I have been out on my own since I was 18...making my own choices, my own money, and my own mistakes.  But really, I have been in school that whole time, so it feels like all the freedom wasn't really unleashed until recently.  Moving to a city and basically having the mindset of "I can do anything I darn well please!" has brought out a different side of me.  Not good or bad...just different.  Needless to say, this whole adult thing has it's ups and downs. 


Up:  I can eat anything I want!  Ice cream for breakfast? Done!  Cookies for lunch? Done!  Cookies and cream ice cream for dinner? Done!

Down:  I have to consider my weight and health becasue I am (gasp) 26 years old!  Ice cream and cookies aren't going to cut it a few years down the road.  (Okay, if I'm being completely honest, the ice cream and cookie diet isn't really cutting it now)


Up:  My free time is awesome.  I can do whatever I want!  Naps, movies, shopping, walks, play my Uke, friendship time, video games*, taking a shot of vodka at noon just because I wanna...(hahaha, just kidding...no, but really).   No more teachers, books, deadlines, or people checking in on progress...well except my parents, but that's just because they are good like that.

Down: Ha!  Who am I kidding?  There is no downside to this.


Up: I am my own boss.  I am my own motivator.  I answer to me. 

Down: Where is my A+?!  My Sticker!?!  My gold star!!!!


Up:  I can be friends with whomever I want.  My friends aren't chosen for me based on who is in my class.  I can pick what type of person I want to be and form my friendships based on who will help me become that person.

Down: Let's be real, I'm really not very good at making friends.  My bubble is comfortable.


Down:  Bills. Rent. Money. The pressure of planning for the future while still trying to live in this moment. (This doesn't have an "up".  It just doesn't.) 


That's all.


* It has occurred to me recently that I should invest (to use my Mom's favorite word) in a Wii. I'm not really a "Gamer" persay, but I do enjoy a good game of Mario Racecart every now and then. I feel like playing video games would be a very prodcutive way to waste my time. So if anyone wants to send me a Wii out of the goodnes of his heart (*cough* Dathan *cough*) I would be open to recieving the gift.