I know. I know. You don't hear from either of us for over two months and then I basically have a bunch of pent up word vomit that manifests in the five paragraphs below (and three small tangents). But bear with me, people might actually get something out of this one.
Last night, Diana and I had the extreme pleasure of watching Timeline's "The How and the Why". (Tangent one: If you are one of the few people that read this blog AND live in the Chicago area, go see this show. It is an intelligent script with two strong female leads and the actors bring the story to life beautifully). Afterwards, Diana and I and a few of her friends went and grabbed a drink with one of the actors (whose performance was nothing short of brilliant). While we were at the restaurant, we talked briefly about the play and even more briefly about what everyone was up to in the theatre world. The topics varied but were mostly about girl stuff and every day life things. From the new pizza place on the corner, to husbands and lovers, to how we all are more than sick of the cold weather; we all just chatted for a while and I have to say that it was nice. Afterwards, Diana said something along the lines of, "I'm so glad you came, I knew we would talk about the play a little, but mostly I knew it would just be a fun night." And she was right. It was fun. And I'm learning that "fun" is necessary. Not every meeting can nor should be a business transaction or a stepping stone. Though I admit that I had to restrain myself from "interviewing" the actor we were with. While people are ordering food and talking about the nutritional value of lettuce, I am burning with questions about the staging and her process and what it was like to work with a younger actress and what is the most challenging part of playing that role and does she journal and how collaborative was the process and numerous questions about the director. I could go on and on. But I didn't. I didn't ask one question. Because that wasn't the point of the night. Sure, this actor was gracious enough that she would have answered anything I asked, but she just got done working. She doesn't need my intense interrogation immediately after a performance.
Intense. That's the word I would use to describe myself when it comes to this art form. Addicted. That's an even better word. I am constantly (not an exaggeration) thinking and living and dreaming actory stuff. I've always been a person that sits back and observes before jumping into social situations. But more now than ever, I observe and analyze myself and everyone around me. ALL. THE. TIME. I have been told numerous times by professors and friends that an actor that only acts is boring. One needs hobbies and life experiences...other things to talk about. Well I'm working on that. Most of you probably think this sounds exhausting, but really I don't know anything else. All or nothing I tell ya! I'm addicted.
Which is an incredibly lame (and sort of twisted) segway into my next topic: Phillip Seymour Hoffman.
I'm not to going to pretend that the news didn't knock the wind out of me this past weekend. Diana sent me a text with one line, "Did you you hear about Phillip Seymour Hoffman" and without any doubts I knew he had died and my gut told me it was drugs. It was similar to the feeling when news of Heath Ledger and Cory Monteith hit me. (Tangent two: Nothing compares to my shock of Whitney Houston. That one was TOUGH! I took it so personally. Dathan even called that day to check in and make sure I was alright because he knew how much I loved her. What a brother!) Although I didn't know any of these people outside of my TV screen, I still feel a strange connection with them. There is passion, talent, and determination all mixed together with an extreme need for success that could make anyone a little crazy. I can relate a bit.
There has been so much on the news, blogs, and TV about him. My newsfeed is still blowing up with opinions and articles. But what I find most interesting is that the topic of most of these discussions is blame. Who can we blame?! Some think him; his addiction his fault. Others claim society because we live in a world where drug addiction, or any other addiction for that matter, is taboo and frowned upon; society judges those people and so it's society's fault for not creating a more accepting world where people can seek the right help. Others blame the drug dealers. I watched The View for about 2.5 seconds this morning while they debated whether the drug dealers should be charged for murder. And I get it...it makes sense. We blame people to cope, to help us understand, to get some closure. We need to find the source of the problem so that we can have hope that there will be a solution. I get that. But I am still exhausted by it.
I didn't know this man, and although there are plenty of sources that claim to know his past, how could anyone ever truly know what he was going through. But the point is we shouldn't need to. Compassion and love should know no bounds. My heart aches for the people that struggle with addictions, for people that help them feed that addiction, and for the world that we live in that is so obsessed with blame that we forget to stop and just pray for the tragic lives that have been lost.
So here is my last little tangent: Blame less. Pray more. Judge less. Pray more. Think, live, and dream actory stuff less. Seek God more.
(That last one is mainly a reminder for me, but you get the picture:) )
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