I guess I'll stay awhile

I have known that I wanted to move to Chicago for several years.  Even when I was just a wee, young one growing up in a tiny town in South Dakota I knew Chicago was going to be the place for me. The culture, museums, every sport one could want, and most of all...THEATRE are just a few things that attracted me to this city.  Not to mention the parallel personalities between myself and this city; we both like a fast paced lifestyle, lots of everyday options, and both of us have an edge with a subtle sweetness and laid back approach to life that can only be found in the midwest (amiright?). However, I didn't expect to end up here until much later in life.  Ya know the drill; travel the world, live out of my car, experience all life has to offer, and THEN move to Chicago when I'm ready to, like, settle down or something.  But after receiving my MFA in acting and having absolutely no life plan except that I MUST CREATE ART (which is more of a life motto than a plan) my bestie said "How about we move to Chicago" to which I responded, "Sure, why not?"  And here I am.

I moved here in September of 2012 and had my first audition on October 9th that year.  I remember it vividly but only because it was a complete disaster (see this post for details).  I then submitted for every audition posted on every Chicago website and sent out my headshot and resume to Lord only knows how many companies and agencies. And I got back a big whopping... zip, zilch, nadda. But that is to be expected.  I knew this business would be tough but I also know that I am tougher. So a slow start didn't discourage me.  It may have frustrated and enraged me at times, possibly caused a few tears. But discourage me?  Nope.

I kept working.  And by working I mean auditioning.  I finally landed a pretty good role with a new start up company.  After that show closed, it was back to pounding the pavement. But a few new challenges came my way in the spring of 2013.  I was cast in a show and also got a gig with a popular band in the city.
Both were an exciting opportunity, both paid, and I wanted to do both real, real bad!  But I couldn't. I had to choose.  So I went with my gut which said "join the band", because when else would I get that chance. Alas, that gig was short lived and as fun as singing amazing music with some really great guys was, that experience was over shortly after it started.  So there I was, a year in the city and I was back to square one.  Audition! 

But this time around was different.  This time I knew a good number of companies in the city and they knew me. I got a lot of responses and tons of callbacks.  Instead of no response from a company, I would get emails that said, "Great to see you again Whitney"  or rejections that were filled with compliments and encouraging words about finding me a place in their next show even though I wasn't quite right for their current project.  These simple things may seem small, but in my world it's huge and is just the type of push I need to keep going.  To make a long story short, in the past year and a half I have been in two plays, directed a play, took part in work-shopping three original works, and had fun being a rock star for a summer.  When I look at my time here through accomplishments instead of failures, I realize that I am right where I'm supposed to be.  Hey, look at me...I'm creating art!  

So I guess I'll stay awhile.

Cheesy love song 2

Hey!  It's one of my least favorite days of the year. Yay!!!!  In order to get into the cheesy lovey dovey spirit of things, I give you my second cheesy love song!

Catching up on my Therapy while Standing on my Soap Box

I know. I know.  You don't hear from either of us for over two months and then I basically have a bunch of pent up word vomit that manifests in the five paragraphs below (and three small tangents).  But bear with me, people might actually get something out of this one.  

Last night, Diana and I had the extreme pleasure of watching Timeline's "The How and the Why".  (Tangent one: If you are one of the few people that read this blog AND live in the Chicago area, go see this show.  It is an intelligent script with two strong female leads and the actors bring the story to life beautifully).  Afterwards, Diana and I and a few of her friends went and grabbed a drink with one of the actors (whose performance was nothing short of brilliant).  While we were at the restaurant, we talked briefly about the play and even more briefly about what everyone was up to in the theatre world.  The topics varied but were mostly about girl stuff and every day life things. From the new pizza place on the corner, to husbands and lovers, to how we all are more than sick of the cold weather; we all just chatted for a while and I have to say that it was nice.  Afterwards, Diana said something along the lines of, "I'm so glad you came, I knew we would talk about the play a little, but mostly I knew it would just be a fun night."  And she was right. It was fun.   And I'm learning that "fun" is necessary.  Not every meeting can nor should be a business transaction or a stepping stone.  Though I admit that I had to restrain myself from "interviewing" the actor we were with.  While people are ordering food and talking about the nutritional value of lettuce, I am burning with questions about the staging and her process and what it was like to work with a younger actress and what is the most challenging part of playing that role and does she journal and how collaborative was the process and numerous questions about the director.  I could go on and on.  But I didn't.  I didn't ask one question. Because that wasn't the point of the night.  Sure, this actor was gracious enough that she would have answered anything I asked, but she just got done working.  She doesn't need my intense interrogation immediately after a performance. 

Intense.  That's the word I would use to describe myself when it comes to this art form.  Addicted.  That's an even better word.  I am constantly (not an exaggeration) thinking and living and dreaming actory stuff.  I've always been a person that sits back and observes before jumping into social situations.  But more now than ever, I observe and analyze myself and everyone around me.  ALL. THE. TIME.  I have been told numerous times by professors and friends that an actor that only acts is boring.  One needs hobbies and life experiences...other things to talk about.  Well I'm working on that.  Most of you probably think this sounds exhausting, but really I don't know anything else.  All or nothing I tell ya!  I'm addicted.  

Which is an incredibly lame (and sort of twisted) segway into my next topic: Phillip Seymour Hoffman.

  

I'm not to going to pretend that the news didn't knock the wind out of me this past weekend.  Diana sent me a text with one line, "Did you you hear about Phillip Seymour Hoffman" and without any doubts I knew he had died and my gut told me it was drugs.  It was similar to the feeling when news of Heath Ledger and Cory Monteith hit me.   (Tangent two: Nothing compares to my shock of Whitney Houston.  That one was TOUGH!  I took it so personally.  Dathan even called that day to check in and make sure I was alright because he knew how much I loved her.  What a brother!) Although I didn't know any of these people outside of my TV screen, I still feel a strange connection with them.  There is passion, talent, and determination all mixed together with an extreme need for success that could make anyone a little crazy.  I can relate a bit. 

There has been so much on the news, blogs, and TV about him.  My newsfeed is still blowing up with opinions and articles.  But what I find most interesting is that the topic of most of these discussions is blame.  Who can we blame?!  Some think him; his addiction his fault.  Others claim society because we live in a world where drug addiction, or any other addiction for that matter, is taboo and frowned upon;  society judges those people and so it's society's fault for not creating a more accepting world where people can seek the right help.  Others blame the drug dealers.  I watched The View for about 2.5 seconds this morning while they debated whether the drug dealers should be charged for murder.  And I get it...it makes sense.  We blame people to cope, to help us understand, to get some closure.  We need to find the source of the problem so that we can have hope that there will be a solution.  I get that.  But I am still exhausted by it.  

I didn't know this man, and although there are plenty of sources that claim to know his past, how could anyone ever truly know what he was going through.  But the point is we shouldn't need to.  Compassion and love should know no bounds.  My heart aches for the people that struggle with addictions, for people that help them feed that addiction, and for the world that we live in that is so obsessed with blame that we forget to stop and just pray for the tragic lives that have been lost.  

So here is my last little tangent: Blame less.  Pray more.  Judge less.  Pray more.  Think, live, and dream actory stuff less.  Seek God more.  

(That last one is mainly a reminder for me, but you get the picture:) )