I can't decide. What am I? There are so many things that I find interest and passion in. I have been told on multiple occasions that I have to pick something. I can love all types of art, but need to focus on one. That's probably true and it's probably time.
In acting, we are told that we can only have one objective at a time. We fight for one thing at a time. In a specific moment, we want one thing. We might want it so that we can get to the bigger and better things, but we only have one objective.
The simplest way to explain this is using a fight scene. Right now I (the character) want to escape from the danger (my super-objective). But there are all these obstacles; zombies, an army of droids, a fire breathing dragon, dementors...the list could go on and on, but let's keep it simple. It might seem impossible, but I just have to defeat each thing, one at a time. First I would probably have to use myself as bait for the dragon, and just when he was about to blow fire at me, jump out of the way, but be close enough to the zombies so that he just sets them all on fire. Zombies: check. And then I might as well keep running past the droids, pull out my light saber and try to take down as many as I can, while the dragon (accidentally) stomps on all of them and crushes them. Droids: check. Then since I have my light saber out, I might as well let the dragon swallow me whole, and then slay him from the inside out because we all know that's the only way to really make sure that a dragon dies. Dragon: check. Then I would be so happy about getting this far and full of happy thoughts that I could produce my patronus, which of course is a beluga whale, and take out all the dementors. Dementors: check. See? I could only do one thing at a time. It's not possible for me to stab the dragon while taking out the droids. I only have one light saber!!!!!
And I (back to being Whitney) only have one life. I need to decide what I'm going to do with it. The whole reason I'm writing this is because I lost focus these past few months. I forgot what I ultimately want and made some poor decisions. When I moved to this city, I made a list of professional goals for myself. But when I had the opportunity to sing with a Chicago band, I forgot about those goals and agreed to a few months of Chicago fame. Needless to say, that didn't pan out well for me. Not only did I turn down a well paying role with a theatre company and miss three auditions because of this "opportunity" but I didn't even get to perform with the band for a full month before the singer that I was replacing decided to come back. I give you permission to dope slap me.
I could dwell on the "what if's" and "if only's" of the whole situation, but basically it was a good lesson. Why on earth did I turn my back on acting for even a second? This industry, this art, this career is all or nothing, and for being an all or nothing person (to a fault) I have been fairly wishy-washy about being an actor. But that stops now.
It doesn't mean that I can't have other passions and hobbies. It doesn't mean that I put my life on hold until I'm successful. It just means that I have one focus. One thing to fight for. One objective...and that is to act. On stage, in auditions, scene studies and classes...there are lots of opportunities. I just have to fight for them. And from now on, I'm all in.
P.S. I'm not as violent as this post suggests.
P.P.S I'm also not as nerdy as this post suggests, so any corrections on how zombies or other non-existent creatures die aren't welcome. I'm just proving a point here people.
